MASOCHIST

There was a time
When we were young
And used to live in an orphanage
And had nothing to hold onto
Except each other.
Remember that time?
I don’t think so.

You were fragile
I supported you
Bore all your troubles
I was a sieve
And you, the vessel beneath me.
I got all the bad
And you got all the good
And you thought
You were the good in my bad
And I, the bad in your good.
But was it really true?
I don’t think so.

But that’s how you made me think.
Counted my flaws
When I concealed yours.
I know you baby.
Now I know you.
You loved me ’cause
I was useful to you
Or maybe it wasn’t love at all.
But having grown up
My well built body
Seems to be of no use to you
Now that you’ve got
That other girl to love
That slim, slender, svelte and chic.
Do you need me anymore?
I don’t think so.

You probably thought I was a masochist
Thought I could bear it all
Just like I bore your difficulties.
Thought I won’t feel hurt
Because I was strong enough.
Thought I won’t be affected
Because I loved to take that pain.
Yeah, maybe I was a masochist
To risk my life for you
To love you
To let you go with her.
Maybe I loved that pain, I muse
As I hit the sandbag
For what seems like the zillionth time.
Stripped knuckles, dripping sweat
And I still think about you
Gazing at my protruding muscles.
You are my best memory
And the worst one.
And now I lay exhausted
Rejoicing in my loneliness.
Yeah, now I believe I am a masochist
Still reminiscing you after all these years
When I know it will just hurt me.
Baby do you miss me the same?
Ha. I don’t think so.

PHOSPHENES

Ever wondered what 

Those random dancing patterns you see

After rubbing your eyes

Or after sneezing are?

That light you see

Without light entering the organs of vision?

They’re all around you

And inside you

Omnipresent

Like the Gods resting in nirvana

Unseen, unknown, unacknowledged

Yet booming in screaming colors.

The iridescent colors fostered by aquivering lights

Triggered by a fondle.

Steering you out of darkness

Though not affecting the slim shady

In you- the darkness in your soul.

How can words

Describe their ineffable splendor?

Close your eyes

And see a new world come to life!

EPHEMERAL

I never felt my heartbeat as deep as I do tonight. I can feel my heart falling for you, the black in my eyes has ended its search here. 

‘Is this love?’ I ask the heaven above.

And in my eyes, the black in the white is scintillating reflecting the white which is in the black above… And thus the heaven has given its consent. Heaven must have known.

The ephemeral glow has now retreated and I can see the permanence in front of me- the ever-shining star... you.

Though your glow is everlasting, this moment is ephemeral. And I don’t want to lose you. I want to embrace your light so that the darkness in this world doesn’t obliterate it. I want to even walk with you on the thorns, when life ain't being a bed full of roses. The demons inside me yearn to affiliate with the saint inside you. Can you be mine? ❤

It Was A Rainy Day

The slanting raindrops were caressing my nose, cheeks and arms partly and the puddles were drenching my legs. Even if you are carrying an umbrella, you get drenched anyway. Then what use is it? I shut the umbrella and moved on. Now the raindrops were falling directly on me, but this time it was my soul which was getting washed up. All the sad memories diffused out and my mind was consumed with the buoyant ones. I realised that rainfall is not just falling of raindrops, it’s the renaissance of the soul. Meanwhile, my interpretation about rainfall was interrupted by a soft voice which was contrasting to the thunderstorm striking the heaven above. I didn’t exactly hear what he said. Maybe he said something like ‘What is the way to…?’ and I had yet another philosophical answer to that ‘Dark is the way and light is the place.’ But I kept my dying urge. What tantalized me was his voice. I had heard it before.
There was a boy. We recognised each other. We were two parted lovers who could never gather the courage to say those three words.

But now that we were together and that too in such a burning weather, we could finally open our hearts out. I was about to open my umbrella, realising he might need it but he held my hand. So there we advanced, unfastening all the anchors of self control, pouncing into puddles, hands open wide to the raindrops, and singing out loud to the empty streets of town. We talked and talked, a paradigm of the jobless, like vagrants. For this moment, I could remain a vagrant forever.

The rain ceased and the sky had turned pitch-black. It was then that we realised we had to move to where we actually belonged, we could no longer live in our utopia. Oh, how I wished the rains never stopped! And my wish did come true, but this time it was the shower in my eyes. A shower of happiness for our reunion or of despair that we had to part again, I couldn't tell. We took our ways and moved on.

He turned and looked back at me. No, I wasn't stupefied, I saw that coming. Now I couldn’t control my emotions. I let it go, ran towards him and hugged him tight. I was almost all over him. He counter-hugged me even more strongly, the most fierce opponent I ever faced. Gradually, the hold loosened and we knew the battle was coming to an end. And like two warriors, still struggling for a last chance to defeat the other, we didn’t let go of each other’s hand. Now the battle ended, the only difference being that none of the side won. Each was too strong to be defeated by the other. Counterattackers? Counterparts.

I asked him where he had to go and if I could show him the way. He was new to this town, but that same old lover for me and the same pretending-to-forget person. This moment suddenly reminded me of how we met. It was when he forgot a particular destination, which I could point out as a pretence. I remember it was raining then. I remember his wet lemongrass aroma. Indeed, some déjà vus are bigger than other déjà vus. I could bet he knew the way now as well because he took the right street among the four, in the mid of which we stood and walked casually. He sucked at acting. I smirked. He took the road on the west and I took the one on the east. Exactly the opposite. Sigh. But looking at the bright side, opposites do attract. And after all, the sun has to return to rise in the east after it sets in the west. 

Just like one saves funds for a ‘rainy day’ (here, a time in future when money may be needed), we started planning for the rainy days yet to come in our lives.

Rainfall is sensual and magical- two souls interconnected by raindrops fall for each other. And that’s why it’s called ‘rainfall’!